Nondenial !!

Life’s no fairy tale, set in chaos and cast in misery at times, the ending not even close to something to be deemed good, let alone it being beautiful. But, isn’t beauty relative? At times; elusive, beyond all forms of comprehension, the person in question can for himself decide what is what, and far more importantly, what it shouldn’t be.

There are times when the mind succumbs to depressing thoughts, thoughts that run wild; scamper as if they aren’t bound to anything. Unbound stretches of nothing that gets consigned into an oblivion; it’s all out of nowhere and out of nothing. Hard it is to subjugate the galloping chariot of something that is intrinsically so abstract yet the havoc it runs within is: oh so real. Hoping against hope isn’t difficult; but rather a dream the mind has surrendered itself to. I await the dawn to break in, for the light to arrive; the wait will be a long one for the mind knows hoping against hope isn’t just another thing.

No ending in sight here, not an ending being thought, talked or written about, no planning either, just a frail thought – what if not? But, if(s) and buts, don’t run anything, neither life nor fate, just a havoc maybe, in the mind. The game isn’t complicated, for the mind to decipher, well ! no game in here, for there aren’t too many questions lingering, no question in fact. The issue, however is: engaging the mind to focus on damage control, to be in it’s place and to guide the pulsating sack to pump emotions, to hold onto a few things, to release some; and above all else to ensure no compartments within are emptied.
We, want, need and finally settle for certain things, this helplessness though is beyond the understanding of the mind, to add to the existing chaos – life serves you with options too. Hell No!! Keep it shut, I need none!

An option can remain an option, a choice though is glorious, not having it doesn’t diminish it’s charm, easier said than done it isn’t, or is it? Confusion again, but with a hell lot of clarity hidden in it, meaning rather, as meaningful as the absence of something, a want that keeps the flame burning bright amidst the gloom.

Choices are need-based, wants aren’t, that want of the soul to seek something remains, will remain and it will foster clarity, the gloom and the doom that is all set to engulf the mind, shall cease to exist. No, this isn’t just a thought harbouring in the mind, but a resolve, a resolve of the soul, the soul that had sought light for long and found it finally. The calling has come and the zeal is vigorous than ever, the want has finally set alight the dormant aspiration of the soul to redeem itself.

Not having something is having it too, in some form at least, for the mind is conscious of the limitations, limits all around – fate and destiny, people and their choices. The relief here is the consciousness, the awareness of the existence of something, possessing it does take away the charm. The longing, the everlasting hangover of something being unrequited is a bliss, not many have the privilege of experiencing this high in being low. No pain, No gain; they say: how true!! Yes, it is.

The pleasure of holding something in the mind, and feeding the soul with the thoughts of it is a delight in itself, no narrow boundation of fate and destiny, or people and their choices, just the self – the one who is aware and conscious, all in sync with the emotions gushing out but yet in steady control. This be it, this is it and this will be it; the ‘Choice’ and the ‘Want’ are now the same, I’d settle for it any day. The need of the soul shall be fulfilled, for I see the flame burning bright.

The ending is in sight here, an ending being thought and written about, the planning is done, just a frail thought – what if not? But, if(s) and buts don’t run anything, neither life nor fate, just a havoc maybe, in the mind. The game is complicated, for the mind to decipher, well, no game in here, for there are too many questions lingering. The issue, however is: engaging the mind to focus on damage control, to be in it’s place and guide the pulsating sack to pump emotions, to hold a few things, to release some; and above all else to ensure no compartments within are emptied. Well, the compartment won’t be emptied, the chest is all that I’ll carry, and perhaps, it’ll serve to be my coffin too.