Beholden !!

The weaker sex?? This is more than just a reference made to compartmentalize the women folk, but does it hold true?? Maybe not, right from the time they start bearing those kicks inside their wombs to the unbearable pain while giving birth, this does go against the fancy of terming something while asserting the masculine superiority. And, as we celebrate womanhood and women’s day, I can think of only two such women who have played a stellar role in making me the man that I am today.

I, for myself; hadn’t realized how blessed I was until the day I was conceived and shown the light of the day by a Woman, a Goddess who inculcated in me all things good. From making me read and write and helping me in developing a political thought process at quite an early age, thanks to her own obsession of reading three newspapers a day, I now realize the worth of being in her womb, perhaps the water had to break and later she would have to get along with an asshole who stole her books and went hiding in the loo to finish reading them even before she did, I guess, she no longer regrets the same. Academically, I wasn’t that bad and so a bit of a nuisance was manageable. I thank her for being my first teacher, the alphabets were taught to me by her, the passion to connect with the characters of the books and feel for them was all her doing. I was, born a human; she made me humane.

Academics being done right, I was all set to start working and given the kind of educational background I had, it has always been difficult for me to find colleagues of the other gender. It did suck, but so far there hasn’t been any issue to deal with, no romance or friendships at the workplace and that in itself has been a blessing in disguise.

Cut to 2017, the loner in me chanced upon yet another woman, a woman of substance this time. Straight out of the books I read and the characters I romanticized, as if Dickens’ must have blessed my devotion and loyalty towards him. The grace and charm of Dora, cold, cynical and incapable of showing her emotions like Estella and as compassionate and dynamic like Lucie Manette.

A freak she was, temperamental and chaotic. Unperturbed by all the shit that flew around, undeterred by the conservative societal norms, a free soul but the irony was she loved the cocoon which held her up. The urge to break through and escape, it did matter, but then life hadn’t been a bed of roses.

Chaotic she was, that was her hallmark, and it made her up. Her anger was the sanity that kept her grounded, her highs and lows like a sinusoidal wave could be graphed and traced too, and who better than a mechie at plotting points and connecting the dots. Fingers Crossed!! Tedious task it had been, but who cared?? Although, she had always been into literature, but deciphering her was no less than rocket science. Her logic often camouflaged the emotions she held within, it could be deciphered over beer or a pizza, hard it wasn’t, but an effort made in the right direction often paid it’s own dividends. A smile out of nowhere maybe, maybe a giggle and if it did work out well she would read to me Grandmothers’ fables.

Small joys of life you see, a joy she is and will forever be.
Today, tomorrow and in the days to come, I know for sure She’ll keep me calm and bless me with her gift of chaos.