Hello my friend we meet again
It’s been a while, where should we begin
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember..
And, She was all of it: my friend, my closest friend and my escape route to freedom, She set me free from everything that had chained my soul. As, I now listen to the song it’s all coming back, no not a mirage, not an illusion. Oh! How quickly life can turn around!!
But, life isn’t anything set in stone, her memories however are, etched deep within me, ingrained in my mind, and there’s nothing I would possibly do to change a bit of it.
It is strange as to how everything that I grew up reading and listening to now finds it’s meaning in her, as if all of it had conspired for me to meet her, to have known her and to have been blessed by her presence, her absence too isn’t a bane; it’s keeping her glued me, keeping me sane and it is aiding me in carrying on with whatever I am left with: a treasure within me, She be all of it.
Life was but an obligation, to love wasn’t and it will never be; all things good and everything bright now carries her shade. The dark clouds, the rain and the rainbow; all making her up, manifesting her presence, all that I now see; all around me carries her, keeps me reminding of her. The smile I let out, the tears I often shed and the prayers which departs my lips have her in them, reaches out to her and comes back to me.
She was a need, more than an ordinary want; but hey! Aren’t the two distinct ??
A confusion yet again, but then clarity awaited in the wings too. There’s this rigid dichotomy between a need and a want. She on the borderline of it.
“You don’t always end up having the life you feel you deserve, it was your want, the one within you is your need. Keep it safe, and keep writing. It’ll keep you afloat.”; read a comment. It’s good to have people who read and relate to your blog, take time out to understand the context and comment. It was one such comment, something which hit me, I don’t know the person who left the comment, the only thing I know is that she has been following my blog for sometime now. While, it was not something very deep, yet it was significant in it’s own way.
Want and need; it mentioned. And, doesn’t everything in life boil down to just this? Our never ending wants, at times the greed of it overshadowing what we perhaps need in real. My life hasn’t been extraordinary, it hasn’t been devoid of ups and downs, while, all the while I would sit back and shed a tear or two thinking of what I had gained and lost out on, I didn’t seem to understand the basic fact that I’d rather be happy if I were to think of needs and not focus upon my wants.
To want something would deprive me of the joy of having something when I would have it, I might give up on it too; the need however stays; it’s constant and continuous. Like hunger and to satisfy it is a human need, to crave for donuts is a want; it might end up upsetting my tummy too. Enough understood, enough reasoning in the head to calm the heart and focus upon whatever I am left with: be it the broken pieces of my dreams or my blood soaked heart that still beats, the beating is a need, and it’ll keep ticking, for I will meet my friend again, at some crossroad of life and sing to her:
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember..
My need and my want assimilating in her.
P.S: Opening lines from the song, ‘My Sacrifice’ by Creed.
abhishek purkayastha 