“You don’t always end up having the life you feel you deserve, it was your want, and the one within you is your need. Keep it safe, and keep writing. It’ll keep you afloat.”; read a comment. It’s good to have people who read and relate to your blog, take time out to understand the context and comment. It was one such comment, something which hit me, I don’t know the person who left the comment, the only thing I know is that she has been following my blog for some time now. While, it was not something very deep, yet it was significant in it’s own way.
Want and need; it mentioned. And, doesn’t everything in life boil down to just this? Our never ending wants, at times the greed of it over shadowing what we perhaps need in real. My life hasn’t been extraordinary, it hasn’t been devoid of ups and downs, while, all the while I would sit back and shed a tear or two thinking of what I had gained and lost out on, I didn’t seem to understand the basic fact that I’d rather be happy if I were to think of needs and not focus upon my wants.
To want something would deprive me of the joy of having something when I would have it, I might give up on it too; the need however stays; it’s constant and continuous. Like hunger and to satisfy it is a human need, to crave for donuts is a want; it might end up upsetting my tummy too. Enough understood, enough reasoning in the head to calm the heart and focus upon whatever I am left with: be it the broken pieces of my dreams or my blood soaked heart that still beats, the beating is a need, to want the pain to subside is just an ordinary want.
She remains my need, She will be, not something I want for now or for life; no desperation here. To have her beside was my good luck, to have her absence and to feel the pain of it is now but a need. Life had never been holistic, it is now; with every need I have not subsuming into anything else but her, to have in the manifold of all the veins that run through. A need She is, a need for life, for the sustenance of it. Her chaos now the only calm I seek, the only need of I have, for life.
Not a want, never can She be, all within me; for what remains more to crave for? The need will be met, for She will continue feeding my mind with words, and visions of her setting things in place.
P.S: Cobwebs of the mind now seem clear, there runs no greed within; all things I have and shall forever need; none but She. She remains, She’s my only need.
abhishek purkayastha 