“Now, for the first time, he’s seeing that there really is a way out of this, and it’s all so simple. You don’t have to run away. You just meet somebody special and step sideways into a parallel universe.” – Irvine Welsh
And Yes!! I did meet that one person who would go on to define what a parallel universe would be like. So, far my definition of being in love or being loved was narrow, held captive by superficial expectations and bound by selfish desires, just one glance of the special being, and I realized a parallel universe was just there, it existed, where being in love was perhaps the most liberating feeling that one could experience.
For the first time I experienced love, longing and loss coupled with enormous bliss at the same time, where there wasn’t anything unrequited; for a part of me had experienced something that indeed set me free. After all the dramatic changes my life had seen, all the troughs my life had encountered, I wasn’t expecting this to happen. The stars for the first time in many years were aligned in my favor, I was set up to learn a lesson that would go on to define what letting go and holding on, really meant.
It is indeed human to desire for something, but for once no such desire existed, the mind was well aware of the outcome, it was never meant to be and yet; there wasn’t any angst, anger or pain, not an iota of remorse or regret, for the parallel universe was in sight. A different world, where everything seemed alright, it was all within me. The stolen glances and glimmer of hope found in someone’s eyes, all made up for things I had lost, no more losing out now. The mind had sensed and conceived something, and I was convinced, this was here to stay, losing out on the person won’t affect my feelings, never ever. This was one realization I wasn’t expecting, for I wasn’t willing to expose myself to experience the tragedy of loss again, it didn’t feel like a loss though, for I had never imagined letting go won’t leave behind any scars.
The magic and the pull of the parallel universe was finally working on me, there remained no hassles in surrendering to something that was non – existent, hold on, it did exist; dualism here may be. The person who had weaved the magic hadn’t realized, and here was me who wasn’t held captive but set free, confusing it may seem but there was a clarity, finally something that didn’t seem senseless at all.
The feeling of the mind existing in a parallel universe is a zillion times better than being forlorn in the real world, although there remains a tiny little pang but that sweet little hurt keeps me going. It keeps reminding me, day in and day out that it is indeed beautiful. It keeps the soul intact, and most importantly it keeps the faith alive, the faith which suggests; there exists another world where everything is fine, where planetary arrangements do not matter, no stars ; no moon or sunshine for the universe is centered around a person, the heart swaying and the mind reciprocating. Where there exists no compulsion, where there’s nothing unrequited. And, that parallel universe is all within me, within my mind, deep rooted. The chains of the real world might bind me, the parallel universe sets me free, no barriers; no strings attached !!
And, this to me is real, the parallel universe, where I am happy, where I go back each time I close my eyes, a prison without any walls, where my thoughts are set free. Where I can love and be loved without any desire questioning my credibility, where exists no trust issues or the fear of someone not loving me back.The universe might be unreal, the knowledge of it existing within my mind is surreal. No risk of loss, and if there is one, there might be another parallel universe where things will just be fine.
P.S: “And, you can’t love without the risk of loss.” I have and look what I have gained, a parallel universe, where everything’s okay.
abhishek purkayastha 