Some closures never come by, never happen and the heart tends to never accept the end of anything it had presumed to be something which made up everything. I vividly remember the sparkle in her eyes as She raised a toast, She was faking a smile, She knew it, I knew it and gladly no one else did. While the heart mourned the loss, it knew certain things can never demise, certain relations keep living on, witnessing and living through changes, like the Soul it is eternal and immortal. It manifests into something higher, something better.
The high tides of life and the rough seas of time do affect, but then the high tides symbolise the magnitude of the Moon’s pull, and She was my Moon, the galaxy that held me.
She was worried for me, worried that I would withdraw myself into a shell, perhaps not realising that She were my cocoon, I held her and She held me in tight embrace, my thoughts were nothing but her fissioning into all that I wrote, did or could think of.
An ending it might have been, might have been visible to the world outside, it seemed like me being a monument lit up as the lights flashed, but deep within I lied in ruins, and things in their ruins were far beautiful; She had once mentioned the same. All that outwardly sheen couldn’t exert half the pull that her darkness did, as I inched closer seeking her in what was left of her. She making herself up, She making me up. The beauty of the world aside, and there was her pull which could and did hypnotise me, I wouldn’t prefer to wake up to anything now, my soul wouldn’t.
She still reaping and sowing the land of my mind, mowing out all the weed that seemed to consume upon whatever remained of her, She saving herself, She saving me.
The cause and effect were her, the consequence was her too. I couldn’t help but follow, nothing remained and nothing to gain, perhaps life’s no profit and loss statement. The books of my life had her in all it’s pages, She never accounted for, She outlining all the transactions that life would now make, She the only gain my soul had made, She the only loss my life had sustained. Both balancing each other, She the balance and She the weight, She on both the scales too.
To new beginnings, to never ending endings too, never an end, will never be. She is the end of my finite, the origin of the infinite that I now seek. The glory and the gloom, the joy and the doom; all in her, all within her and now in me, tying me and trying me, wasting me and catapulting me too. I just knew her, beyond her I knew nothing, beyond her will exist nothing too. As far as the heavens seem to be and as closely bound to me like the land under my feet, She is all of it: near and far, stretching everywhere.
The sparkle of her eyes still the same, the pain and the niggle is the same too; all about her and nothing without. Immortal, eternal and divine, forever until the soul flees the cage, She the cage and now the soul too.
The vigour of life, the doom of death; all things that goes around in a cycle. She the cycle and the origin of it. Let the tracing begin.
abhishek purkayastha 