The significance of anything can be gauged the moment you lose it, the point of no return maybe. The point here lied in her not returning, me being stuck and She stuck too. I hadn’t discovered altruism until I found her, and the last peck on her forehead signifying to what extent I would care, I did, I do and I shall forever. Her significance lied in being her and me being me, if I weren’t the restless, conscious soul who kept falling apart, She wouldn’t have been the person; ‘She’ were to me, selfless in what She did to me and to my soul. Lifting, catching and holding my ever crumbling and vulnerable spirit. She had me, had me like no one else ever will.
If I could freeze and frame and pan the exact moment when I last felt her skin against mine, I would have lived my life in those few seconds. I knew it was time, She knew it and time stood testimony to the fact that She and I both cared, that last kiss, not stolen this time, right on her forehead as She for one last time hugged me in embrace, I had my world and my world had me. I wouldn’t have felt violent tremors if there were any at that very moment, in her I knew, I was safe.
The pills had started showing it’s effects, I was a lot calmer than I usually would have been, for if I could sense everything falling apart, I would have fallen too. She was the sedative, the good kick of the kicks I received, anxiety never stood a chance in her presence. Her light eradicating my darkness, filling and fulfilling all that I had, and desired for. A calm, a certain degree of chaos; a cocktail of insanity and sense.
It was never a goodbye, can and will never be, for the last embrace put the right perspective into my mind, my senses rather. ‘Invisible Red Thread’; She had once mentioned, it was no ordinary string, a rope tied tight to her soul clamping mine to it, the pull far greater than what a thousand moons would have had on the vast seas on earth. She made it all up, the Moons and the earth underneath, the waves and the high tides now rising within me, finding it’s pull and strength in her.
I was numbed, but that warmth of her breath on my neck eased life back, infused life into my senses, making me understand I was alive, living and still witnessing her magic, the magic wand She would spin to tame my soul, was now hers, I had gladly parted with it.
And, as I leaned towards her forehead for that one last contact, I knew to myself that I cared, I did and this will forever be, not driven by love, not held by distance and not fueled by passion; She meant more, more than life itself. And, who wouldn’t care to be alive if that meant caring for life in return?? Life She was, still is and will forever be, my soul now gone with her, the chill is back and as I lie dying and breathing for that warmth of her breath again, the Moon’s lighting up the skies, exercising it’s pull and as I look up, I feel the air surrounding me. That’s her breath, as it brushes my neck, alive and resurrected I feel. She’s here, holding me in embrace and I blow a kiss, the sky’s her forehead.
abhishek purkayastha 