” You know, I love you, right?? ” ; she asked. A statement asserting a question it was, the answer lied in itself, it encompassed my entire world perhaps. Not driven by anything physical or material it was, neither was it bound by the superficialities that had the world running. She was being she, subtly putting words in my mouth like she always did, here she was making my soul stir and churn, making me shoot out a question at her. “And, me?? “; I asked.
And, that used to be a part of our normal conversation, neither of us outrightly accepting anything, but laying out hearts open, making it visible to one another what it meant. The twinkle in her eyes, the thoughtful smile that lit up on her face, said it all. A soulmate beyond comprehension and comparison, a person who perhaps defined all that I had, in a nutshell : She was like no one else, beautiful and compassionate and special, most special. She still is, will forever be.
She was and is all that remains of me, a part that I shall never part with, within and without; the summation of my sanity and the quotient of my insanity.
I had grown up reading about her, day dreaming about her existence somewhere, perfect and imperfect and very rightly balanced. The characters I read, loved and adored, all the traits in them which pulled me seemed to have been absorbed by her. Eyes which cast a spell each time I looked at them, with me diving in them to find nothing and this pull was beyond magnetic.
Her questions like her weren’t balanced though, no statement of purpose in them, a plain thought often put forward with a question tag suffixed, and that was She.
The answer to all my questions, the answer to every question life posed. Complex, often uncertain but definite like life, infinite too She was, now She is as I think of her. Her thoughts making up all that I can think of minus the obligations I am left surrounded with, she never was one and I am glad she never will be, for it would be confining her to a space less denser than what She is supposed to occupy in my mind. A free thought perhaps, that is She; a sudden call of my mind, a question I pose myself every time I get slapped by the harsh realities that exist. What if She were here? The question shortens itself, reduces to She, the answer lying right there : She.
I never saw stars in her eyes, they held a galaxy cut off far away from where the alignment of stars and planets matter, She, herself was the very centre of it, She still is. I recall, and teleport myself into that realm each time I gaze up and look at the star lit skies, I see her right there and She poses a question at me. I got no comeback, I never had.
Ohh wait !!
” And, me?? “
The silence all around is deafening, the ticking of my pulses has the answer, and you know that, right??
abhishek purkayastha 