And, I made a pact: with myself, that I would write, and I would write about her; as long as I could; as long as I did. Perhaps, I could find nothing more inspiring and intriguing than her; not just a means to an end of my writing she had become; she for now was everything that I could visualize and put down in words.
She could; and she would inspire me; to write; to laugh and to live, the words which seemed lost found their way back into the conveyor of my mind; the knots unknotting themselves; the feeling to have finally found something I could write about, seamlessly and unceasingly: it was a joy indeed. Never before had I experienced this surreal bliss of translating what I had within so effortlessly. She was She, and she was magic indeed.
“Everyone has an emotional side, you know; we are emotional beings”; she said; well, that might have been just another statement; but it wasn’t anything just ordinary; for it did take me back in time. A couple of summers ago, I was left stranded by a person whom I considered to be someone I couldn’t do without. “You’re too emotional”, I was told; while the person wasn’t. Flashback!! Flashback!! Life has it’s torrid ways of proving you right all the time; more often than not it is accompanied by change; a change in perspective and; at times a change in your circle.
She did me a favor, she proved me to be right; well in the mind, I was; for now. I could see sense in me being the emotional fool I always knew I was. Cut to the present, I realized the baggage no longer existed, for all I could see were her eyes lighting up against the backdrop of the lights that dimly illuminated the newly whitewashed walls of the cafeteria where we were seated. Her eyes shining bright as her voice cracked and choked, she gathered herself well and managed to do what she did best: she gave away nothing at all, she was all fine. She had this knack of rubbing off something onto me, lessons they were; sometimes an insight on; as to I could deal with certain issues; though she might have not realized; but I looked forward to such meetings with her; it did enrich my mind; everything she did or said: had something in it; layered and hidden; often it would subtly equip me with a mastery of myself over me; and my emotions. I learnt dealing with myself better in her company; impulsive I may have been, but the stimuli never felt so channelized.
The many shades of her, the way she went about at times displaying the multitudinous facets of hers; her stoic sense of self-denial; something that overpowered and steered her through the moments of madness when thoughts went berserk; her ideals which made her ideal. I had to write; and so will I, and with her as the source and the end of it all, the words seem to have found their nesting place. Her emotions: the raging tempest or the chilled tranquil she held in her eyes; they now seem to emit enough radiance that lighten up the walls of my mind.
I often had to take a cue from the words she said, she would abruptly begin or end a conversation; I would happily concede too; learning curve it was for me. The curve that formed on her lips then, while she gasped and heaved and the smile that would take shape and vanish into the realms of her nothingness was astounding. Every bit of her was awe inspiring, every bit of her set the jig of my mind in motion. She did, the same then as I looked at her again, I could see her casting that spell on me again, words being teleported to my mind through her eyes.
P.S: Inspired again, the words shall now find their course…
** Title in Latin
abhishek purkayastha 